


Partners In Crime

by KennysMagicDog



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Arson, Crimes & Criminals, Drugs, Explosives, F/M, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Partners in Crime, References to Drugs, Violence, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 14:11:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19211059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KennysMagicDog/pseuds/KennysMagicDog
Summary: An Alternate Universe that I became fucking obsessed with. Once I thought of it, I started drafting out characters and all their shit. Basically, it's an AU where the main four plus a few others are skilled in certain aspects such as fighting or medicine. However, they use them to kill, steal from, burn, and drug people. And this was all started by the one and only Eric Cartman.They are relatively the same as the canon characters, but I put most of the focus on their more bad sides. Have fun ;)





	1. Introduction

**Eric Cartman** : 25 years old, 6.1 feet tall, a little chubby, brown straight hair, copper eyes (i draw them gold and red), tanish pale skin. Scars inculde a long knife wound over his right eye and two others left on his chest. Tattoos inculde one on his left arm that resembles a knife. It matches with his three other friends'.  
Main outfit: Blue and yellow poofball hat, dark grey T-shirt, dark maroon jacket with personally made patches and hidden pockets for weapons, thick brown boots, dark jeans, and light leather gloves.  
  
Specialities: Murderer + Medical Expert  
  
Backstory: He was known, as the outdated term, a sociopathic child, diagnosed with Anti-Social Personality Disorder. It was caught early on, but all the medications he was supposed to take never made it into his system. Instead of taking them, he gave them to Kyle so he could just burn the evidence. He would use scissors and knives to cut open some of his stuffed animals, but after a while he grew bored of it. Soon, he moved on to catching small animals outside and either carefully dissect them or slaughter them gruesomely. Though, he had a severe lack of empathy, he held a soft spot for certain people and animals like his mother, cat and friends, mainly Kyle, regardless if he decided to show it or not. Growing older, he took a liking to the human body and medical knowledge. A little after he turned 17, he chose to finally find a person to study on. Using an unknown mix of drugs Kenny (drug expert) had made, he knocked a random woman outcold then dragged her back to his house and into the basement. She had woken up in the middle of a surgery involving Eric testing out what would happen if he ripped certain veins out of her arms and legs. He ended up stabbing her in the jugular before she could let out any sounds of terror. This caused him to become very interested in the art of murder. Later on in life, he took up 5 years of medical training while also committing countless murders along the way. After gaining all the knowledge his town could provide, he decided to ask his friends one by one if they would join him on his masyer plan. The first plan he had was very laid out, a convenience store. He would have Stan (theif) loot the store of its items then rob the cash register for money. Once the cops were called, Kenny (drug expert) would come in and drug the workers and/or and drag their bodies out before being noticed. After all of this, Kyle (Arsonist) would burn the store to the ground along with any evidence they could find. Then, Eric would do whatever he pleased with the bodies.  
  
Drugs and Alcohol Info: Sometimes smokes marijuana, occasional drinker.

 

 **Kyle Broflovski** : 26 years old, 6.5 feet tall, muscular, red curly hair, baby blue eyes (i draw them violet), pale skin. Scars inculde major burns covering almost all of the left side of his face. Tattoos include one on his left arm that resembles a flame.  
Main Outfit- Green Ushanka, dirty white tank top, flame resistant black jacket, black jeans, and black gloves made out of leather.  
  
Specialities: Arsonist + Explosives Expert  
  
Backstory: He was fascinated by fire as a child, burned small things like toys/pillows/clothes. The fascination was thought to be stemmed from an intense anger problem, that could cause him to become violent and impulsive. His parents had considered him a pyromaniac, different from just being an arsonist. After getting into a verbal and physical fight with another child, he took his father's lighter and a can of gasoline to school the next day. After hours, he found the child sitting on a bench and set his backpack on fire, threatening to take actions further if he so much as said a word about it. Once he turned 20, he thought the urge to see things burn would be satisfied by becoming an almost full time firefighter. He worked in the business for an upmost of four years before resigning after his frenemy asked him to be his "partner in crime". During those four years, Kyle would constantly study explosives and how they worked, illegally buying and setting them off in deserted areas or forests, sometimes causing fires that his own firefighting team had to put out. Everytime he would set off explosives or start fires he would make absolute sure it looked like an accident, it didn't take long to perfect this action. Currently, his face is badly burned due to an accident involving explosives, which was the only slip up that happened to him yet that involved explosives and fire. Eric, knowing how to treat third degree burns, put gauze and a cream only he knew the name of, over the wounds. Kyle's eye was badly injured, causing it to discolour and make him go partially blind in that eye.   
  
Drugs and Alcohol Info: Has been addicted to Nicotine (Cigarettes) for about five years. Occasional drinker.

  
**Stanley Marsh** : 25 years old, 5.11 feet tall, slightly muscular/lanky, straight black hair, forest green eyes (i draw them mint), tan skin. Not yet scarred. Tattoos include one on his left arm that resembles a bag of money.  
Main outfit: Blue and red poofball hat, blue bandana around his face, dark blue and black leather jacket, denim jeans, dark blue sneakers, and a black backpack.  
  
Specialties: Theif + Martial Arts Master  
  
Backstory: All his life he was very envious of those around him. In the mindset thinking people had better things, better lives than him, he would steal little things of theirs without being caught. Unlike Kyle and Eric, he would be as patient as possible to act on his crimes. Any impulsive acts would run him into the ground. He never went to college, but took many courses of mixed Martial Arts and Jujitsu to learn how to perfectly jump anyone he pleased without getting caught or injured. His friend, Eric, was aware of his crimes, and asked Stan to join him on something he hadn't expected. He decided to do so. Ironically, his fiance, Wendy Testaburger, was a police officer who never turned him in for his crimes. Before he led this kind of life, she couldn't help but be madly in love with him so she made sure he wouldn't end up in jail. She believed he had too much of a good heart, which had been true for the most part. His envy was the only thing that got in the way.  
  
Drugs and Alcohol Info: Heavy alcoholic, does not smoke or do any kind of drug.  
  
**Kenneth McCormick** : 26 years old, 5.11 feet tall, skinniest of the four, wavy blonde hair, icy blue eyes (i draw them very light blue and glassy), darkish tan skin with freckles. Scars include chemical burns on hands and arms, heroin overdose scars, and one scar on cheek from a fight in middle school that is barely noticeable. Tattoos include one on his left arm that resembles a needle, multiple going down his right arm that resemble a strange pattern along with one that goes along his chest which reads, "Fuck You" in French. He got the last one while high.  
Main Outfit: Black and red baseball cap with a graffiti "K" on the front, gray bandana around face, gray hoodie with hood always up over hat, dark and baggy worn out jeans, black snowboots, and black gloves.  
  
Backstory: At the young age of 14, he became severely addicted to Cocaine and Heroin due to a party he attended with his friend, Craig Tucker. The peer pressure caused him to cave in, knowing full well his sister would suffer because of his bad choices. Not having enough money to afford drugs, he and Craig began to learn how to make different kinds of drugs from someone Craig knew. For about three years, they were successfully making and selling Heroin, Meth, Cocaine, and Crack along with other things like chloroform and "date rape pills" as Kenny called them. His younger sister, Karen, found out and begged him to at least stop doing drugs himself to save his life. He eventually did for her, but continued to make and sell the drugs. He made enough money to pay off her college tuition fees, and they stay very close even though they may be far apart. He was later asked by Eric to help out on a "mission" he had planned, which Kenny accepted after a lot of convincing. He and Craig split up to do their own things but stayed good friends. Currently, he has third degree chemical burns over his hands and arms, covered by gauze and a cream that Eric provided. It was caused by an accident while mixing the wrong ingredients, and almost lit the house on fire. Kyle had helped pull him out before he died from bloodloss.  
  
Drugs and Alcohol Info: Has been addicted to Nicotine (Cigarettes) for about seven years but does not smoke very often. Used to be addicted to Heroin and Cocaine for about three years. Heavy drinker depending on the day.

 

**I'm editing this chapter, just a heads up when I do draw the characters, their eye colors are very over the top and unrealistic because its fun.**


	2. Brofolvski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prologue to introduce how they got to where they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still working on the character sheets but they'll be done by tomorrow. Thank you for reading my dumb au thing :))))))

Set in notion, Eric had his plan almost complete. All he needed now, were the tools. Luckily enough, he already had his favorite not-so-little ginger on speed dial. With a smile on his face and his copper eyes shining with mischief, he held the phone close to his ear. Listening ever so closely to the dragged out hums, he tapped his foot on the ground trying to ease the rush of excitement. Two or three rings later, all the noise had stopped. Out came a slightly muffled voice, "Hey. What's up?" Kyle cooed roughly. The sound of his voice could have given Eric more energy than a thousand Redbulls. However, now wasn't the time to swoon over boys.  
  
"Hello, Kyle. Would you mind dropping by for a visit? I want to talk to you about something. It is _very_ important."  
  
The line went silent for a moment, but Kyle finally answered, "Hmm. Well, you pronounced my name right, so, sure. What time, sugar-honey-ice-tea?" Eric had to admit, Kyle's still high pitched voice rang through his ears like a melody. Even though he was put off by the insults. With a sarcastic laugh, Eric replied, "Haha, very funny. Just get your Jew ass over here already. We mustn't waste time!" He bawled dramatically, waving his hand in the air, even though Kyle couldn't see it.  
  
"Heh, whatever, you fucking dork. See ya."  
  
"Buh-bye."  
  
_______________  
  
"So," Kyle started, lighting up a cigarette. "Why'd you want me to come over?" He asked, his eyes lightly trained on Eric's back.  
  
Eric continued to pace confidently around the room as he flipped through papers that he had loosely laid in a folder. "Ah, the question of the century, my dear Jewish friend." Eric stood dead in his tracks and closed the folder. He turned to Kyle with a grin on his face, "Quit your job."  
  
Confusion and irritation showed themselves rather quickly in Kyle's expression. A sheer cloud of smoke poured off his lips as he spoke, "What? You're ridiculous, you know that?" He gave Eric a bewildered glare. A low chuckle escaped Eric's throat, after throwing the folder behind him like a piece of trash. He completely ignored all the papers that went flying onto the carpet. "Yes, I know. You can't just quit your job. After all, it's the only one in this town you could have that involves watching things burn to such a huge extent." Eric began, walking to the couch Kyle sat lazily on. He lifted his hands with a shrug, "There isn't any way you could satisfy that urge without causing mass destruction. And you don't make nearly enough money to afford all those fireworks and grenades, am I correct?" His hands intertwined with eachother under his chin.  
  
Of course, Kyle wasn't wanting to play any of the brunette's games. So he said, "Get to the point or I'm leaving." Now, sat down on the couch, Eric smiled.  
  
"Okay, okay." He laid his arm over the back of the couch while studying Kyle's figure. Wondering how he had gotten so tall, he noticed that fluffy red hair under his signature green hat. Even though Kyle was a daywalker, he was pretty attractive. Especially thanks to all that training at his job, keeping his body very well in shape. The black flame resistant jacket and dark boots he had on really complimented the rest of his body. Eric finally spoke again after realizing he was staring, "I want to cut you a deal. You'll make at least ten times more money than you do now, and you will be able to satisfy your urges whenever you want. It's a win-win situation."  
  
Squinting suspiciously, Kyle blew a cloud of smoke into Eric's face. The brunette quickly swatted it away and coughed, "God dammit, Kahl! Stop trying to kill me with your second hand smoke!" He yelled, jumping out of character. This caused Kyle to snicker, "Uh huh. And what exactly am I going to be doing?"  
  
"You are going to be my partner in crime, basically. Once I get Stan and Kinny, we will come up with plans to sort of ease all of our urges, apart from Kinny who will be getting a shit load of money instead." His eyes scanned over Kyle's still slightly suspicious face, "However, everything we do is going to be highly illegal," Eric said carefully, "which is the one downside. But all you have to do is listen to me, and I'll have everything taken care of. Three steps ahead of the game."  
  
Conflicted, Kyle averted his eyes, "I don't know. How do I know you aren't planning to stab me in the back?" He tapped his cigarette off in the ashtray that laid on the coffee table in front of him. Eric shrunk into his jacket. He rolled his eyes at the ginger, "You're just going to have to trust me, okay? Remember, even after all those fights we got into, I haven't breathed a word to anyone about your habits. And I don't plan too, either." He said, eyes twinkling. "So, what do you say?" Eric asked, already getting jittery from hope.  
  
Brows furrowed, Kyle's eyes softened upon seeing those hopeful copper eyes. "Alright. God, it's so hard to say no to you when you give me that look." He said with a coy smile. Eric wore a huge grin which went well with a rosy tint that formed across his cheeks. So many thoughts raced through and around his mind, finally having the chance to get closer to his childhood crush by doing the shit they loved. It sounds silly, maybe as if it came straight from a cheesy love story like Twilight. But then again...when do any relationships sound like they hadn't been ripped from some kind of movie? Even Stan and Wendy's unique off and on love life can be related to something that's been heard of millions of times.  
  
Anyways, that didn't matter right now. All he needed were the two other pieces of the puzzle.  



	3. McCormick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this, Kenny and Kyle are really close as friends. They're pretty much the only "normal-ish people" left in town. Apart from when they go nuts (kenny only does when he's high), I should add.   
> But we're gonna keep it wholesome and say they won't hurt any of their friends or family even when they lose it <3

Now that he had Kyle in on his plans, he of course had to talk to his best man. Even though they _may_ have not been on the greatest terms as of now. The reason? Kenny didn't want his little sister to be apart of Eric's psycho schemes. He had been paranoid that Eric would do something to hurt her as a form of blackmail. At first, Eric thought that was actually a good idea. But in the end decided against it because Kenny would probably beat him to death.  
  
Luckily for Eric, he knew Kenny's address, so he was already on his way there. He watched his feet for most of the walk, until looking up to find the trashed house with broken windows. Quickening his pace, he arrived at the front door and knocked loudly. Right away, Kenny opened the door, only to be displeased by the sight. He automatically shut the door on Eric's face before he could even speak.  
  
"Wha- Kinny! Open the fucking door!" Eric yelled, knocking louder than before. "Nobody's home. Leave a message." Kenny loudly spoke, slightly muffled by the walls. Eric's brows furrowed in frustration, while his cheeks turned a light shade of red. "Kinny, if I do anything bad, you can punch me in the face. Deal?"  
  
It went silent for a moment, then Kenny replied, "God dammit. Fine!" The door swung open to reveal an angry blonde. "What the fuck do you want?"  
  
"Just listen, junkie. Do you want to make more money?" He asked slyly.  
  
"No. I'm not doing it."  
  
A look of anger washed over Eric's face. "Oh, come on! You haven't even heard it yet! Plus, Kyle's in on it, what's there to worry about?"  
  
Kenny looked unphased. "Blinded by love, fatboy. I don't want to be apart of your idiotic plans to take over the world or whatever." He stated dryly. Eric rolled his eyes irritably, but kept his composure. "The only person blinded by love is the hippie's girlfriend. Just let me explain what the plan is."  
  
"Say one thing I don't like, I'm clocking you in the jaw."  
  
**Later...**  
  
Kenny's expression softened significantly, but he was still suspicious. "Just remember how much dirt I have on you. If you backstab any of us, especially Kyle, your ass is on the line."  
  
"I wouldn't backstab them when I need them for this to work. And what's with you and Kyle? Did you two become best friends after you made out at the bar?" Eric spat defensively.  
  
The blonde shook his head disapprovingly. He let out a sigh, followed up with, "He's my _friend_ you fat sack of shit. I don't need another person to lose their mind thanks to you."  
  
**7:32 PM - Kyle's House**  
  
It wasn't expected for Kyle to be riding around on his swivel chair throughout the house, falling over multiple times like a klutz. But Kenny assumed he was just drunk. Said blonde stepped into the house, being hit by the awful smell of smoke and alcohol. When Kyle sped by him, he grabbed the armrest to stop the chair from moving. "Ohhhhhhh, shit. Where the fuck did you come from?"  
  
Kenny rolled his light blue eyes, with a snarky reply, "The seventh layer of hell. What are you doing?" He asked. Kyle looked up at him with a nervous smile. "Would you believe me if I said I was performing a scientific experiment?"  
  
A smile arose on Kenny's face, happy that he still had a stable friendship with someone in this town. For some reason, Kyle was the only one he could completely trust. Ironic, seeing as he's a pyromaniac and killed multiple people. On accident. But Kenny knew he wouldn't hurt any of his friends or family. "Yeah, sure, Jersey boy. Can I talk to you? It's about Cartman." This made Kyle's happy expression fade into one of concern. The chair was pushed away as he sat up, and he invited Kenny to sit on the couch with him. Kyle ruffled his red hair as Kenny began, "Are you sure you're gonna be okay with him around all the time?"  
  
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I be okay?"  
  
"Because his psychopathic tendencies already rubbed off on Stan and Tweek. Last week, Stan knocked me out for ten fucking dollars. He learned how to knock people out from him." A scowl formed on Kenny's face. He still thought of Stan like a brother, but that little stunt he pulled didn't prove him to be very trustworthy. Kyle gave him a sympathetic smile. "Well, why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have smacked him upside the head for that." The redhead put his hands up as if he was at gunpoint of an entire SWAT team. "Anyways, I swear, I'll be fine. If somehow, I actually lose my mind, I give you full permission to beat the shit out of me until I go back to normal."  
  
A sigh of relief came from the blonde. He leaned back into the couch and stared at the ceiling. Being deep in thought, he was worried. For everyone involved. Should he pray that this won't end in disaster?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I've been procrastinating the whole time like a dipshit

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen depictions of Kyle and Cartman's relationship where if Cartman is taller he is either a top or a bottom, but when kyle is taller I only see people making him dominant. So I said fuck it and made Kyle submissive in this because I haven't seen it before. I'm sure it's been done before, but not often enough for me to see it. Thank you for reading!


End file.
